Homebody Talks Dirty – Part Deux

So in the last post I told y'all about how I discovered and became immune to sex. But then an old friend told me how she found out about the facts of life and it was so juicy that I decided it merited a special blog post. I shall now recount the story of sex in my friend’s voice.

“Hai, Beta! What do I tell you. I was so fifteen years old and I heard my grandmother telling my mother to take special care of me. ‘Girl’s need to be protected,’ Nani said, ‘and aaj kal the zamana is so bad that these days all a man has to do is touch a woman and she gets pregnant. Uff!’ Now as I listened to this, I became very nervous around my male cousins – made sure they didn’t touch me. But then one day we were going for Eid shopping to Meena bazaar and what do you know? A man touched my bumpy! I tau almost died! I was touched by a man, and there! Bas I came home and my older cousin Mina was over.

‘Mina Baji,’ I said, ‘Mina Baji, my life is over!’

‘What has happened?’ she asked.

‘Mina Baji, I’m…I’m…’

‘Just phoooto na!’

‘I’m pregnant!’

‘Hai! I will die! No! Are you sure?’

‘Yes!’

‘How did this happen?’

‘Mina Baji, a man in Meena Bazaar touched me on my bumpy.’

‘So?’

‘So Nani says every time a man touches you, you get pregnant!’

‘Arey pagli kaheen kee! That’s not how you get pregnant!’

So I asked how does one get pregnant? And she went home and brought a magazine in which a man was looking constipated and the woman was looking like she was going to die. And she explained what went where. That, beta, is how I found out about sex!’”

…Question to my readers: How did you find out about sex? Care to share?