.

Monday, June 13, 2016

THE IDIOT TOURIST

(printed in Destinations Magazine)
http://destinations.com.pk/destination/the-idiot-tourist-2/

I trundled along on the bumpy, hard roof of a pink, green and gray public bus boasting the grand honorific of ‘Prince Baboo’. It was a novelty that I, a mere woman, was sitting proudly and unapologetically on a space exclusively reserved for male passengers in their daily commute. But this was not an ordinary work day and I was not bringing about a gender revolution. No, today was Sunday and I was one of an entourage partaking in the Super Savari Express tour of Karachi. So I climbed up the ladder at the back of the bus and stationed myself, a grinning Buddha wearing a dupatta, right in front, to get the best view of a city I had lived in for twenty years, but which I was determined to see with new eyes today. Terry Pratchett once proclaimed that ‘Tourist’ was another word for Idiot. I would gladly embrace idiocy if it meant shutting off my Karachiite mind as to the politics, the voyeurism and the privilege this tour entailed.
So as we hurtled down Elphinstone Street amid the derelict and once-grand buildings of Saddar, pock-marked by bill-boards and flashy signs that stood in stark contrast to each other, I didn’t care about architectural synchronicity. I dutifully oohed and aahed when shown a grime-covered building with Corinthian pillars and broken windows that used to be the Freemasons’ lodge. I willed my novelist brain to imagine old gentlemen congregating in secret midnight meetings in humid summer nights, with curious dress code and secret pass words, deciding the fate of the world. I surrendered to the melancholia of the place as we left it behind – a romantic piece of history appropriated by martial law.
The sky was a greyish pink as we viewed the stunted cityscape. It struck me that old Karachi was a place of domes and minarets. They weren’t imposing, but ever present: the ivory dome of the Supreme Court the elegant minars of the Hindu gymkhana being especially pretty. I began to watch out for them – rising proudly to the sky, above the trellised mess of electricity wires and hotchpotch of broken wood-work and windows underneath. I purposefully blocked out any clichéd metaphor of them trying to disassociate themselves with our socio-political mess – NO – that was what a Karachi resident would think – I was the idiot tourist, stubbornly sifting the gladness from the gloom.
So it was with great alacrity that I allowed myself to be off-loaded for breakfast at an authentic Saddar dhaaba. My family and I were herded into one which served crispy hot parathas and soft, omelettes fragrant with red chillies and coriander. I turned around to a fellow traveller who was not nearly as enthused as me. He proclaimed that this was too sanitized an eating place to be authentic. No, there was another dhaaba, on the road, near Bundu khan, that served the most delicious halwa puri. He leaned back and crossed his arms, gazing in general disapproval at the orderliness of the meal – the promptness of it.
‘The dhaabaa experience, you see, is about the opposite,’ he lisped. ‘The mess. The lack of timing. The delightful surprise when flavors explode in your mouth when you least expect them to.’ Since I had just bitten a green chilli and all sorts of implosions were ringing off in my brain, I ignored his complaining. He wasn’t in the mood to play tourist, and that was his problem.
I finished my meal with gusto – and drank about two litres of cold water to douse the fire on my tongue and strolled out amidst the Pathan vendors, squatting beside orange and green gas cylinders that were to fuel their mobile stalls – slurping tea and assessing us with their kohl-rimmed eyes. Many had placed their fruit on the road, right in the gutter water.
All of a sudden I chanced upon a small little hovel of a shop proclaimed itself as TIT BITS BOOKS STALL. My heart soared: TIT BITS’s stalls in Sunday bazaar had been my mecca while growing up – I made my weekly pilgrimage to buy at least 20 second hand books a week. My identity and literary tastes had been determined by this bookseller– who had lounged arrogantly on a pile of old magazines and magnanimously slashed his prices for eager and poor bookworms like me. I hurried inside to see at last the fountainhead of all that literary goodness expecting a quaint little shop full of treats and vintage books. Instead I saw the owner, my old friend Saleem Bhai, huddled behind a small counter, piled high with a mess of books. On the left was another broken column of fiction books, on the left, much of the same. Their covers were torn, the pages were missing. As I stood aghast, he recognized me instantly.
‘You were my best customer!’ he grinned. I was told to pick up a book. Any book. Totally Phree.
But I wasn’t in the mood for commerce. ‘What happened?’ I asked? What became of the millions of books and the grand book fair Tit Bits boasted every Sunday? This place was a far cry from what it used to be in its heyday. Saleem Bhai shrugged, giving me a summary of being edged out by competition, driven back to this small room where two people could barely stand shoulder to shoulder. There was no electricity and no way to see what books were where – he didn’t have the time to organize them. After I picked and forcibly paid for an old book on the techniques of fly fishing (it was right on top and therefore easy to get a hand on) I slumped out, back to the bus, whose colors seemed garish and plastic flowers waving about on antenna wires seemed a mockery to the seriousness of the situation. I sat inside now, next to the driver, inhaling the fumes of the diesel engine. I could no longer force an enthusiasm that I didn’t feel.
I frowned through the 166 year old Shri Swaminarayan Temple where an old, tiny lady gave us all a compulsory but heartfelt hug. A peacock glared at us as we traversed its holy grounds – and some photographed the statues of Radha and Krishna as a bald priest began a plaintive bhajan. Feeling more and more like an intruder, I ran back to the bus and sat in desultory silence through the rest of the trip; a distant onlooker rather than an active participant. It was hard not to admire the gorgeous array of chandeliers and grand inner space of Taheri Mosque; nor was I able to resist waving at the grinning Zorastrian priest right outside the stairs of the forbidden Parsi Dar-e-Meher as he read the morning newspaper. I sat quietly on the pews of St. Patrick’s Church as looked at the stained glass depictions of the Passion of Christ when a catholic girl sat down next to me and ask me if I was visiting and I nodded. She proceeded to tell me about her life, how her parents fought and how she tried to commit suicide in college because it was all too much for her. She gave me her phone number and told me to give her a call.
It was all too much for her, and for me too, it seemed. I was tired of this tour, of this city where everything seemed broken down. The afternoon sun was lashing down on us and all my optimism had evaporated.
We were taken to another crowded part of the city – I’d lost track of where. I hobbled off Babu, growing less Princely by the minute, barely noticing the archway when suddenly I came upon an unexpected expanse of marble space. There, in grand view, stood the New Memon Masjid, with its three voluptuous domes that puffed out like meringues against the blue sky. Flanked by grand and tapering minars, it sapped my exhaustion away. I climbed up the stairs and saw the prayer spaces etched onto the glistening floor. The domed archways shone silver in the glare of light reflected from off the marble. To my right, a large pool, cool, blue and calm, awaited the ablutions of the namazis. It cooled my eyes and soothed my soul and I was drawn to it. The tour guide told us that the mosque had been built on an old cemetery and, as they razed the old graves, two bodies had been discovered, fresh and intact, new as the day they had been interred. These had been re-buried under the cool shade beneath the pool – and very visible through a locked jaali, adorned by plastic-wrapped floral wreaths.
At last I had stumbled upon a gladness I didn’t think possible – into a folktale that was still whispered reverently through generations. Karachi, despite its grime and gloom, had pockets of magic for those in search. We think we know a place until it surprises us. I had given up on any hopes of pleasant discovery until I stumbled onto this divine mosque. I have held on to the story of the graves, to the splendour of the mosque and the quiet peace I found within, because an intriguing narrative had met with magnificent architecture. Here, at holy graves, I rediscovered my curiosity and wonder. I said a prayer and allowed myself to be pulled away, back to the head office, where a thank you and a farewell ended the six hour day trip.
Going back to my house, I thought of T.S. Eliot’s words from ‘Little Gidding’: ‘We shall not cease from exploration, and the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started and know the place for the first time.’ My trip was like that – the idiot explorer turned cynic turned convert. I think I will remain forever, the idiot tourist, for the discovery, when it does come, is definitely worth it.

Monday, June 6, 2016

HOMEBODY GETS REJECTED

On a dark, rainy day in St. Albans (made unusually bleak because this was supposed to be a warm week in May but Arctic winds had sabotaged everyone’s hopes, dreams and expectations) I got a message from my mother. It said, very simply:

‘Visa rejected again. Ab bas.’

All the disappointment, hurt and pain in those five words made my heart bleed for my little mommy, whom I pictured with a dupatta on her head, going to Gerrys and returning exhausted and defeated because she had been refused the right to visit her daughter. Again. This was the second time in seven months she'd applied – and was insistent that she wasn’t going through this process again.

Moving to a new country is a displacement in every sense, but at times like these, it feels like exile. One can get used to the weather, a new routine, different habits and different structures. But one cannot get used to family ties severed by outside forces.

It hurts.

The conversations circulating around the refusal  are the usual ones. I’m usually interrogated with the intention of finding out what I did incorrectly so that the blame can fall on my incompetent shoulders.

Which category did you apply for? Did you provide a cover letter? Bank statements? Property deeds? Evidence of valid American Visa?

Then follows empathetic outrage. You did ALL this? Then why? Fazool. Bloody visa officers – low I.Q, high arrogance. Bloody pigs.

After this conspiracy theories take over.  
  1. There’s a quota for this stuff which gets filled up very fast and then they merrily reject everyone applying afterwards.
  2. They aren’t giving ANYONE a visa these days
  3. It’s the Indians in Abu Dhabi taking perverse pleasure in rejecting Pakistanis
  4. You have to know someone on the inside. I know someone on the inside. Next time, tell me and I’ll talk to them.
And then you go through the corresponding arguments in your head.
  1. If there’s a quota, then how come other people are getting a visit visa for the summer still?
  2. But I know two people who DID get their visa just last week!
  3. If it’s the Indians and all Indians are evil, then why do any Pakistanis get visas at all?
  4. If you knew someone on the inside, why THE FUCK didn’t you tell me earlier so I didn’t have to go through THIS and put my mum through it also? (The sentiment is followed by guilt at my readiness to by-pass the system - and the knowledge that despite everything, I'm ready to go flout it anyway - because the situation is such that one is made to feel like a criminal for wanting to meet one's loved ones.)
The ‘this’ that I describe is not just disappointment. It is anger because the reasons for refusal don’t make sense. ‘You don’t have enough money to go back,’ they say in the first instance, and in the second they refer to the same sum and ask ‘How can you justify that you have so much money?’ In any case, what reason is there to justify a woman’s income if her children are offering to sponsor her in the first place?

It is a sense of helplessness because all routes of appeal have been revoked, which makes visa refusal easy and one can see visa officers doing so with greater impunity.

It is a sense of injustice because the people who DO get the visa have, in the past, brought people, usually maids, over for six months and kept them on for twenty years. Because they have granted visas to religious clerics who have proceeded to go to Luton and incite revolt against the government. Because the rich and famous who smuggle and steal are allowed easy and free movement and aren’t really required to justify their income.  Because even in my angriest moment, I realize that such checks and balances are necessary precisely because we as a nation have bent so many rules and screwed the system over so many times that British paranoia over our entry can’t be seen as unjustified.



It’s a feeling of being guilty until proven innocent (followed by the wry realization that the guilty end up getting visas anyway) – and no trial is on offer. ‘What reason do you have to leave the country?’ they ask in a letter that is preluded with a 'Do Not Reply'.
To this my mum would answer – ‘I will be buried next to my husband here in Karachi – and besides – I have no desire to do the dishes for the rest of my life.’ But they don’t offer you the opportunity for an interview.

It’s a feeling of being dirty and guilty. A random stranger gets to interpret all the facts you’ve carefully provided, cull out the ones relevant to them and ignore all the rest, and question you as to how legitimate you are. And they type, in no uncertain terms, ‘We don’t believe you when you say you’ll go back.’ And with that neatly typed slap in the face, there’s a red stamp of refusal and a neat email telling you that your visa has been processed.

After a helpless ‘What can you do,’ and journey to resignation, the Rejects start dealing with life again. My mother has a better come back – ‘There’s some maslehat in this – it’s for the best.’ Perhaps there is. But she smarts and winces as she reassures me and I put on a brave face for her benefit. And so we go, waiting for time to pass until the month when I can visit her crawls slowly towards me.

In the meantime, there is just separation.