Homebody’s Bad Habit

Sitting at home makes you a bitter person with dark, annoying habits. Of late, I can’t listen to anyone’s pain without going: ‘pfft…you think you’ve got problems? I’ll tell you what problems are, brotha!”

I just realized that I do this all the time. One of the blogs that I follow wrote about an embarrassing wedding experience. And what does homebody do? She leaves a comment to the effect of: “So, you call walking to the wrong wedding function in three inch heels mortifying? Hello sista, I went to a wedding and got tangled up in ma gharara and fell flat on ma face! Beat that!” To which the sensibly irked blogger replied, “Each loser to her own blog, okay?”

So I thought she was in a bad mood and sent her bad vibes until a friend called.

“Shaz, I’ve had a really traumatic day. My two year old has a problem with his teeth..”

“TEETH you say? You know what problems are? Problems are when you’re single without a man in this universe and breast cancer runs in your family. Problems are when you lose all your creative writings in one fell swoop because a two year old vomits on your hard drive. Problems are when you could be fired because your students can’t get their grammar straight. Now, are you seriously going to tell me about your baby’s teeth? Why the hell does your one year old have teeth? Is that even normal?”

“Erm…you know what, I’ll call another time…”

And the last straw:

I update my facebook status: “50 papers left to check. The end is in sight.” And my adorably sweet cousin happens to write, in a fit of sympathy, “I feel your pain.” And my response is what? “Unless you have an aching back and neck coz you pulled a muscle exercising, and then you have to correct a bunch a paypas, you ain’t feelin’ nothin’ sista!”

I didn’t get a comment back.

So Mariam, this is my apology to you and to all my friends who have approached me with problems and have been shot down because I want to win the Loser of the Year prize. I’m going to snap out of it as of NOW!

*Snap*!